I did warn readers that my last attack on the ludicrous Twitter twaddle wouldn’t be my last.  Well, two pieces of news give me a chance to return to the fray and toss more ordure in the Twits’ general direction. Firstly, there’s the hilarious outburst from Kanye West, reacting to the news that an imposter has been posing as Himself on Twitter.

Yes, someone on Twitter has been taking the great Kanye in vain, posting the usual moronic 140 character updates. And he’s so pi**ed that he’s posted a rant on his own website with the caps lock on. Amid the narcissisms and expletives you’d expect, West wisely declares, ‘EVERYTHING THAT TWITTER OFFERS, I NEED LESS OF’. There are just better things to do with one’s time – ‘I’M TOO BUSY ACTUALLY BUSY (sic) BEING CREATIVE MOST OF THE TIME AND IF I’M NOT AND I’M JUST LAYING ON THE BEACH I WOULDN’T TELL THE WORLD.’

I feel you, Kanye, as they say in ‘The Wire’. Too much data, too many worthless opinions, too little insight. We’re being engulfed in a digital Tsunami of useless noise. The simple babblings of a two-year-old learning to speak are charming for its parents but do not require broadcasting to the world. Indeed, a little ‘hush now’ wouldn’t go amiss. I think this is what the saintly Maureen Dowd of the New York Times was hinting at recently when she dared to suggest: ‘I would rather be tied up to stakes in the Kalahari desert, have honey poured over me and red ants eat out my eyes than open a Twitter account.’

Which gets me onto reason two. This is the hot news that the government has hired a Twitter Czar (Nero and fiddling, deckchairs and the Titanic, all come to mind). Andrew Stott is to be made the UK’s first director of digital engagement (and he’ll have no need to fiddle his expenses – he’s getting paid an exorbitant £160,000). You couldn’t make it up, could you? Maybe this means Andrew will be given the ticklish job of masterminding the PM’s next appearance on YouTube. The first, you will recall, plumbed new depths of the gruesome as Gordon was told to try ‘smiling with sincerity’. What came out was something truly ghoulish, as if Tim Burton had been given the director’s gig. If Mr Stott wants something valuable to do in the digital arena, why not start with trying to work out how the government blew all those billions on the failed NHS IT system?

I got a minion to check out Andy Stott on Twitter, and apparently he was: ‘Sat in the office doing nothing. Joy.’ (A typically helpful and enlightening Twit.)  Maybe this isn’t the right Andy Stott, and merely a Kanye West-style vile impersonation. Who knows and, indeed, who cares? Actually, it must be another Stott – because the Twitter Czar will undoubtedly have been attending numerous high-level meetings in Whitehall with his two Blackberries and GCHQ-approved laptop, discussing digital engagement and how to get down politically with the youth. Going forward. Lord give us strength.

In today's bulletin:
Never mind our expenses, what about your bonuses?
John Lewis figures supported by new knickers
Editor's blog: Twitter? Twaddle, Part Two
Want to be an entrepreneur? Move to Scarborough
Cutting your expenses, with YouTube